Aang's And Others' Fan Fictions
by samtana
Summary: Pointless fun. Read only if you like fun. Everyone gets a chance to ridicule shipping. Ch. 3: Toph loves to write epic fan fiction about her awesome earth bending adventures. Yeah, about that.
1. Aang's Fan Fiction

I don't own Avatar. Don't get too upset.

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Aang's Fan Fiction

Katara walked into the dimly lit room.

"Hey, Aang. What are you doing?"

"Sh!" Aang hushed her urgently, peering around for anyone who might have heard. "I'm writing fan fiction on samtana's laptop while he's out on his book tour."

"Come on, Aang. Everyone knows samtana isn't good enough to go on a book tour. He probably just told you that to sound impressive."

"Yeah," concurred Sokka, walking in with Toph. "He's probably just trying to get a job helping some fisherman who needs a hand during a dangerous storm. Tool."

"Let me see your stories," said Katara eagerly, peering into the computer screen, her round blue eyes running back and forth, her breath so close that Aang could feel it. It was all he could do to avoid reaching two centimeters to pull her into a romantic embrace.

"Your screen name is Appalover13?" asked Katara with a disgusted tone.

"Okay that's just wrong," said Sokka.

"Doesn't surprise me," said Toph.

"Hey, look at this," said Katara excitedly, leaning in so far that her cheek was almost touching Aang's. "This one's called 'Katara's Choice.' Let's open it."

"Um, I don't know," mumbled Aang after it was too late. "I'm not much of a writer."

"You're such a wimp," scolded Toph, shaking her head. "No self-confidence at all."

"Yeah, I'm sure you're a great writer," said Sokka.

Zuko walked into the room. "Hey, what are you all doing with samtana's laptop?"

"Checking out Aang's fan fictions," said Sokka proudly.

Katara pulled back from the computer screen, taking her scent and hypnotizing blue eyes with her. "Wait a minute, you paired me with Zuko?" she exclaimed in disbelief.

Zuko took a couple of uneasy steps back, hoping to escape without being noticed. Toph wouldn't allow it. Her grin was particularly wide. Aang blushed.

"I don't even like him that way," said Katara, her nose in the air.

"I can tell you're lying," teased Toph, a lie told to get on Katara's nerves. Everyone could tell by the way she laughed afterwards.

"I know," said Aang meekly. "But it's just so much easier to write."

"Easier? How?" asked Sokka.

"Can you let me go now?" Zuko asked Toph. "You're bruising my arm."

Toph punched his shoulder.

"Come on," explained Aang to Katara. "Pairing you with Zuko is so easy. Think about it: two characters that are always fighting are forced to go on an adventure together and discover affections for each other. Tell me you haven't heard that storyline before."

"The man's got a point," laughed Toph. Katara was annoyed that she was enjoying herself so much.

"But wouldn't it be easier to pair Katara with, well, you?" asked Sokka.

"I can't do that," said Aang softly and dejectedly. His eyes were in his lap.

"Why not?"

Aang took a deep breath. "Because I'd have to admit to her how much I like her."

"Come on, you wimp!" exclaimed Toph. "You already make it so obvious it's as if you're saying it out loud."

"And you're always undressing me with your eyes," Katara pointed out.

"I'd rather undress you with my hands," Aang blurted out.

Katara put her hand on his shoulder. "See? That wasn't hard."

"But it was so crude and tacky," complained Aang. "I want it to be romantic. I want to sweep you off your feet."

"I have an idea," said Sokka. "Why don't you write some fan fictions about me and Toph? She's sending some pretty obvious hints my way, so you can practice having her confess her true feelings for me."

"Ha!" laughed Toph too loudly, turning away from the others. "That's absurd! I don't think of Sokka that way at all. I don't even like the guy!"

"Your face is redder than Ty Lee's dress," said Zuko.

Katara moved the computer to face her, placing her hands on the keyboard. "Here, let's try and help you make the perfect way for you to say how much you care about me."

Aang smiled at her. "Thanks, Katara."

"I've got an idea," said Zuko. "Neither of you can sleep at night and so you have to comfort each other. Or something like that."

"Oh, right," groaned Toph sarcastically. "Very original idea."

Zuko scowled at her. She didn't see it. Zuko forgot she couldn't.

"What if," began Katara thoughtfully, "you accidentally join a Fire Nation school while we're undercover and throw all your classmates a dance party. Then you could dance with another girl and I could get jealous."

"Already been done," lamented Sokka. "I think a better idea would be for Aang to kiss you unexpectedly right before the invasion, saying something about how he might not get another chance."

"Already happened," said Aang, "sort of."

"Really?" said Sokka with surprise. "Wow, where was I during that?"

"In the submarine," said Katara.

"What if," said Toph, "Twinkletoes spilled his guts because he couldn't take the hotness during training anymore?"

"Oh, right," said Zuko. "Very original."

"Do you honestly think the thought of Aang training is attractive, Toph?" asked Sokka, his eyebrow arched.

"No!" exclaimed Toph, turning away again. "I just think that story sort of makes sense! I am not attracted to Aang at all!"

"You're turning red again," said Zuko.

The last fragment of Zuko's sentence was cut off by Toph covering his mouth with her free hand.

"Okay, how about this," said Aang, his face lifting with excitement. "We could be trying to get away from the Fire Nation and have to go through this cave that two lovers built centuries ago. There could be this curse that you can't get out unless you trust in love, and Katara and I could realize how much we mean to each other!"

Silence met this suggestion for a few moments until Zuko said, "That's the most pathetic idea I've ever heard."

"I don't know," agreed Sokka. "It does seem like a pretty stupid plot line."

"How would we get privacy from Sokka and Toph?" asked Katara.

"It could happen before we meet Toph and we could get separated by a cave-in," said Aang.

"Then how would I get out?" asked Sokka.

"Badger moles could lead you out," suggested Toph.

"This is a terrible idea," said Zuko. "Just face it. There's just no way you can write the perfect romantic confession of Aang's love for Katara."

Katara's face lit up just as Aang's was falling again. "I know! We don't have to say anything to each other!"

"What?" asked Aang.

"We can do the whole thing without words," she explained. "We can look at each other," she said, her eyes delving into Aang's. "And simply know…"

Her voice trailed off. Aang felt it too, and the pair began to lean towards each other.

"Abandon ship! Abandon ship!" screamed Sokka, flailing his arms about and foaming at the mouth. Toph and Zuko quickly followed him, slamming the door behind them. These distractions were not enough to stop the surge of emotion washing over Aang and Katara. She wrapped her arms around him and pushed him onto his back with her lips, pressing her body with all her strength and the weight of gravity onto his.

"That worked," he smiled after she had released his lips and he had a moment to catch his breath.

"I think so," said Katara with a grin. Her hair had never been so messy. "Now how about you undress me with your hands?"

Aang groaned with frustration. "That was such an out of character thing for you to say!" he complained.

"I'm sorry," apologized Katara. "It was such an obvious thing to say, I couldn't resist."

"I think we should just do it all without saying anything," said Aang. "Beginning, middle, and end."

"Agreed," whispered Katara, her lips gliding against his cheek. "But you are going to undress me, right?"

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I had to throw that last line in there, even if it was against everything I stand for.

If you like this senseless fun I can easily extend the series. Just let me know. I'm not particularly attached to this idea, but its lightheartedness makes up for the grotesque "The Feast" by a large margin.


	2. Katara's Fan Fiction

_I just re-read this and decided it's terrible. Really. I mean it. The only good thing about it, sort of, is the disclaimer. Before this story has a chance to ruin your perception of me as a writer, please move on to the next story, which I think is much better, and then read some of my other work before returning to this monster. Then perhaps this travesty can be excused. I made a promise to myself not to delete anything I post on this site, and now I'm regretting it dearly. Yours, -samtana _

-Crash!-

[The Cabbage Man] – My cabbages!

[Aang, nervously smiling] – Heh… Heh…

[Cabbage Man] – That does it! Whoever's responsible for this travesty must be held responsible! Who owns Avatar? I need to know!

[Samtana, putting finger on nose] – Nose goes! I don't own Avatar! One, two, three, not me!

[Mike and Bryan] – Aw, monkey feathers!

[Aang, snickering] – Ha ha, monkey feathers! I'll have to remember that one.

**Katara's Fan Fiction**

Irate, I stormed into Katara's room. She and Suki were chatting, but all fun was about to end.

"Katara, I have to talk to you," I growled.

Katara smiled at me with mock sweetness. "Oh, hi, Samtana. How are you?"

"Don't give me that, Katara," I said, glaring at her. "We need to talk about your fan fictions."

Katara giggled with disgusting girlish charm. "Oh, so you found them, have you?"

"What's the problem?" asked Suki. "You write fan fiction, too, don't you?"

"I do," I said, "but her fan fictions are about me!"

Katara rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I'm just one of hundreds of your loyal fan girls."

"I'm a Samtana fan girl myself," said Suki, blushing and looking at nothing in particular.

"Really?" I said, intrigued. "Do I have more fan girls than Zuko?"

"Yeah. Check this out," said Katara, turning her laptop around so I could see the website displayed on the screen.

"Ew," I said.

"Aw," said Suki to herself. "I spent a lot of time working on that site."

Katara giggled.

"Hey! Don't distract me!" I shouted at Katara, turning serious again.

"Look, Samtana," reasoned Katara. "There's nothing wrong with writing fan fiction. You write fan fiction about me, I write fan fiction about you. We're even."

"No, we're not," I insisted. "You've gone too far, I say. Too far!"

"How so?"

I snatched Katara's laptop computer and brought up her fan fiction home page.

"Look at this story," I said, clicking on the link and pointing. "You paired me up with Gabriel!"

"So?"

"So I'm not okay with that!"

"But you're always pairing me."

"Me, too," added Suki, even though no one listened to her. Ever. I mean, seriously.

"Gabriel broke my heart," I said, wondering what Katara could possibly not understand about what I was telling her. "And here you have the two of us…" I looked at the story summary, "making out on the kitchen table!"

"It's believable," said Katara stubbornly.

"I don't even talk to her anymore!" I yelled. "This would never happen in a million years!"

"That's not what the reviewers said," Katara pointed, showing me pages and pages of reviews spooning praise regarding how true to the characters the story had been. More than a few begged for more "smut," whatever that meant.

"It doesn't matter," I retorted. "I hate it when you write stories that pair me with a girl I can't stand."

"It's canon," said Katara. "You pair me from the canon. Why can't I do the same?"

"It's canon that we broke up!" I shouted. "And it's canon that we hate each other now!"

"Ah, romance!" said Suki, her hands on her heart and her eyes dreamily fixed on the ceiling. "It's much more likely than Katara hooking up with Zuko."

"According to my site's poll, 82% percent of my readers think you're going to get back together," said Katara.

"That's ridiculous," I cursed. "And what about this one? 'Samtana's realization.' You hook me up with Eliza!"

"It's canon," said Katara. I was ready to punch her in the face

"I saw her once in middle school!" I shouted. "Middle school!"

"You routinely pair me with the first guy my age I ever met," said Katara.

"Sokka, too," Suki pointed out.

"Agh!" This was beyond frustrating. "Look! Just stop writing fan fictions about me hooking up with these girls I want nothing to do with! I hate it!"

"You know," said Katara, "for someone who pairs people all the time you sure don't take it well when you get paired yourself."

"That's because your pairings are ridiculous!"

"They're canon," Katara persisted, her vile voice just as calm and soothing as ever.

"Don't you want to please your fans?" asked Suki. "You're fans love it when you get it on with Gabriela."

"I don't care about my fans!"

Suki made herself small.

"Aren't you a fan boy of some girl who you hope finds romance?" asked Katara. "You seem like a Suki fan boy to me, the way you're always pairing her with Sokka."

"Oh, please," I scoffed. "If anything, I'm a fan boy for Katara since I'm always hooking her up with Aang."

Silence. I looked at the two girls staring at me, realizing what had just ensued.

"I didn't just say that out loud, did I?' I said nervously.

"Yeah," said Katara. "You kind of did."

"Right," I said, slowly backing out of the room. "So, um, just stop it with the stories," I stammered. "And, um, I'm going to go, um, go cry for a few hours now. Yeah..."

I slithered out as inconspicuously as I could, the girls' ruthless eyes following me out. There was an amazing absence of sound in the room for a few moments as Suki digested the conversation and Katara gave an honest effort not to break into hysterical laughter.

"Give me the computer, Katara," said Suki. "I need to write something to write on the Samtana fan site."


	3. Toph's Fan Fiction

Clarity: Toph does use Sokka's real name on occasion in the show. As well as different nicknames from Snoozles. And you know what? I don't own any of it. E` vero: Avatar non e` mio.

Sanity: You might want to imagine them all to be a little older than they are in the show. It's supposed to take place some time after the war ends, anyway.

**Toph's Fan Fiction**

So there she was. Minding her own business and such. Alone. Meteorite bracelet in hand, changing shape randomly at her whim. Feeling everyone's vibrations, traking their movements from the other side of the house. A great spy, she considered herself. A great everything, actually. A lie detector, too. How she had gotten her friends to believe that was a stroke of genius. Toph smiled at the thought.

Aang and Katara were being peculiarly loud, both with the vibrations they made in the floor and with their uncontrollable laughter. They were usually pretty quiet together, something Toph was thankful for. Much better than the alternative. But now they were laughing quite loudly, and it was irk worthy.

So there Toph was, alone, playing with her bracelet, while her friends were having fun. Obvious, oblivious fun. Toph stood up and fastened the bracelet, now in its proper shape again, to her wrist and walked over to the enormous vibrations and giggling sounds.

"Hey, guys," said Toph. "What's so funny?"

The laughter stopped for a moment and an eerie silence seeped into the walls.

"What?" asked Toph at the sudden change of mood.

Aang and Katara broke into a new round of hysterical laughter, rolling along the floor and pounding their feet and fists into the earth. Toph covered her ears.

"What is it?" she yelled crossly. "What about me is so funny?"

"It's not you," panted Aang through giggles. "It's… it's…" he couldn't keep his sentence going. He fell backwards, his back thumping against the floor, his mouth open and spewing cackling laughter.

"Is something on my face?" asked Toph, rubbing her palms up and down her cheeks.

"No, no," gasped Katara. "It's not that." she calmed herself down with a few deep breaths. "It's just that we didn't know that, well, that you thought of Sokka that way."

"What?" exclaimed Toph. "What are you talking about? What way?"

"You know," said Aang mischievously, making Toph's face an open display of her rage and embarrassment.

"We've been reading your fan fictions," explained Katara.

"And some of them are, well…" Aang snickered.

"Fairly explicit," blurted Katara, sending her and Aang into more hysteria.

"What are you talking about?" shouted Toph over the laughter. "I haven't written about him once!"

"What about 'Earth Rumble?'" asked Aang. "That seems to be only about Sokka."

"That one's about how I won all the Earth Rumble tournaments," said Toph with a smirk. "I kick some pretty explicit butt, don't I?"

Aang burst into laughter. Again. Katara tried to hold it in.

"Look, I dictated to Sokka what I wanted to be written, word for word" she said. "Epic, awesome fighting scenes featuring the Blind Bandit!"

"Um, maybe we should read this to you," snickered Katara.

"If you can," said Aang, laughing.

"Quiet, Aang!" giggled Katara. "Okay: 'Whenever Sokka kissed me my heart beat so fast it made the earth rumble. Feeling his supple lips pressed against mine was exhilarating to the point of an earthquake, and when he pushed me to the floor and started moving his hands towards my…"

"Stop!" screamed Toph, covering her ears. "Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!"

Aang and Katara's laughter rang past Toph's hands and into her damaged eardrums. They sounded like they were dying from laughter. That wouldn't make three of them to die today: Aang and Katara from laughter and Toph from embarrassment.

"I didn't write that!" shouted Toph. "I wrote about kicking the Boulder's butt!"

"No, you didn't," said Aang.

"My ribs hurt from all this laughing," said Katara.

"What about 'The Runaway?'" asked Toph. "That should be about how awesome I was at conning those suckers out of all their money."

"Um…" said Aang, giving a few short laughs before joining Katara in complaining about rib pain.

"Not quite," said Katara. "Here is it: 'I couldn't wait for the war to end so I could run away with Sokka. It was too hard to concentrate on the war when all I could think of was Sokka's muscular chest, manly face, and gorgeous lips crawling sensually across my naked…"

"I didn't write that!" shrieked Toph, stomping her foot so hard that it knocked a picture off the wall, its frame shattering brilliantly. Katara and Aang tried to suppress their laughter. "I can't even see! How could I know how manly Sokka's face is?"

"That's a good point," said Aang.

"So if you didn't write it, then who did?" asked Katara.

"I don't…" said Toph, her realization interrupting her sentence. The muscles in her face contorted with malice and she turned deliberately to walk out the room. She stomped away, the earth shaking violently with each step.

"Sokka!" she shouted, the high-pitched sound of her enraged voice shaking the house just as much as her stomping. "Get over her, you Boomerang Butt Hole!"

Aang and Katara glanced at each other as the stomping died down and plaster stopped crumbling off the ceiling.

"We should probably get out of here," said Katara. "You know, before the Earth Rumble starts, if you know what I mean."

"But I thought… Oh…" said Aang, standing up with a giggle. "Yeah, that would probably be best."

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"You know, if you want me to stop faking your fan fiction like that, this isn't the way to convince me. You're basically rewarding my bad behavior."

"This wasn't how it was supposed to go…" said Toph.

"Wasn't it?" Sokka leaned over and kissed her nose. "Wasn't it?"

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I feel like I've been losing track of why I joined this site in the first place. I've been writing a lot of pieces like this, especially in "Confessions." Pointless humor that really has no need to exist rather than attempts to make sense of the scant weak points in the show (Ember Island Players Problem, anyone?). A lot of drivel that doesn't differentiate me from the other writers on the site. I'm disappointed in myself. Well, hopefully some laughter has come out of this pointlessness.

And, seriously, am I really looking for deeper meaning by writing fan fiction? Or maybe I can't come up with characters on my own? I need to do some soul searching.

Happy New Year, all.

-samtana


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